Lost soul

I shouldnt really make life changing decisions. I am no good at making the right choice let alone know which one is right. I let fear rule me and let it effect my choices.
In a perfect world I would be normal and happy and have a life. I am past saving. I dont agree with society. Because of my gender issues it makes getting work  a whole lot harder ,no work means not being able to afford to live. People send you abuse online and maybe some day there will be abuse on the streets. I dont want to go back to living as male. I dont want to suffer anymore. My mind is broken and my soul lost ,maybe one day I will be with my sister and.everything will be ok and this life will be a distant memory.